I shared the Gospel today

I got to share the Gospel today and it was so beautiful. There's almost no greater feeling than being able to explain God's love and sacrifice to another human being and see them beginning to comprehend what Christ did for them.
Today was no exception. Except today as I shared the Gospel, the responsibility and joy of sharing it hit me in a way I have never experienced.
I was not sharing it with a neighbor or someone I had recently met, although I desire to do so! No- today I was sharing it with my son. I got to tell MY child about MY God. What an overwhelming joy it was to be able to tell this precious, tender little heart about God and the Gospel and see his innocent and curious two year old mind taking it all in.
My husband started doing catechisms as part of our daily family devotions at the beginning of the year. He found one that was great for Petey's age and we covered the questions, "who made you?" and "what else did God make?" This week is "why did God make everything?" And the answer is "for His own glory." Now we don't expect he will understand the theology behind it or even the definitions of a lot of these words, we just want to plant seeds of faith in his heart.
So today I was reviewing the questions with him, and for the second day in a row when I asked him "why did God make everything?" he answered "he was naunny (naughty)." Apparently he is used to being asked, "why did you do that?" and his answer usually ends up being "I was naughty." I explained to Him that God was never naughty and that He wants us to bring glory to Him and that's why He made us. I added that we can't bring glory to Him ourselves so we need Him and his salvation in our hearts to ever be able to bring Him glory. I thought we would go back to discussing the muffin he was nibbling on, or another typical 2 year old conversation.

A moment later he asked, "Mommy, where is God?" We continued with a beautiful conversation of where God is and he asked me many questions and said he wanted to see God so I shared with him how God can see us and everyone at the same time. He asked if God would come down from heaven so I explained to him how Jesus was God's Son and he did come down a long time ago (I reminded him about the Christmas story) and He came to save His people from their sins and died for us and now He lives back up with God. He would interject saying he wanted to go see God and I explained how one day, someday, we don't know when we WILL get to see Him and if we have believed and accepted Him we will get to live with Him. I told Him, now with tears streaming down my face because it was almost like he was "getting it," that God loves him sooo much. He assured me he loves God too.
He asked if God has toys.
He went to get one of his most prized possessions (his school bus) and said he would like to give it to God.
He asked if I have ever told buddy (my close friend that we just moved away from in Oklahoma) about God. He was very glad to hear buddy knew God too.
When daddy woke up from his nap he told him that God and Jesus were up high and that he wanted to see them someday.
We had an errand to run and he asked us if he could call God. So we told him that God always hears us and that he could just talk and pray and God would listen.  We kept hearing him in the backseat saying, "God?" "God?" So Peter explained that the way He talks to us is through the Bible. He started talking to God about his fishy.

He asked if we could sing a song about God so we picked a few. He liked "My God is so BIG so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God can not do" the best and asked for us to repeat that.

Later when we were face timing friends, he told them he wanted to see Jesus.

Do I think he understands it all, and that we won't review the same questions over and over...of course not. But I caught a glimpse of the most innocent childlike faith and it took me a long time to recover from being able to share the most beautiful story and truth in the history of EVER with my baby. Our longing and dream is for this darling little boy and for all of our children to believe this message and go farther in bringing Him glory than we ever have. So to see the little seeds of faith being planted is the most beautiful mothering moment I have ever experienced.
I look forward to sharing it again...probably tomorrow over cereal or the next day while we are driving around- but it is a story I will never grow tired of sharing with my son.

Pregnancy weeks 36-39

Well, I debated posting any of these, at it is clear the last few weeks I carry all in my nose.  Seriously, some people are all belly...by the end I am all face.  It's great. Not. Anyway, seeing as I actually kept up with each week the whole pregnancy I figured I better do the last couple weeks of pictures. 

My contractions started up around 36 weeks this time and I wondered if I would meet Chloe even sooner than I met Peter.  But know, I just had consistent Braxton hicks for almost a month.  That got old fast, but I was hopeful it meant that this time my body would actually get the memo and go into labor like it was supposed to this time.  But it was exhausting!  Or maybe it was the fact that my to-do list before Chloe came was insanely long.  I repainted trim, walls, patched a hole, spray painted things, cleaned everywhere, set up furniture, vacuumed the car not once but twice...and Peter's list was just as long and he was awesome at helping finish everything up.  And then do some of the stuff again once I realized my contractions were just practice.

36 weeks: Try to look beyond the nose and see the belly.  If you can.

37 weeks: You can tell the only angle that looked okay was the birds-eye view.  Seriously look how low the doorknob is.  I think Peter was standing on a ladder to get this picture's approval.

Everyone I see tells me I've dropped this week.  It's like you're glad it's true because it means there's progress, but the hundredth time you hear it you realize you must look ridiculous.  Yup.  The baby looked like she was literally going to fall out. How low can you go, Chloe?

I am starting to look tired here- either from the lack of sleep because of the huge watermelon I have glued to me, or because of my non-stop nesting coupled with crazy contractions.  This week is when I started thinking maybe she wasn't ever going to come. But this was also the week I hoped she'd stay put- all my well-laid plans for child-care, Grammy's visit, and my friend to be my doula would be a lot trickier this week.  Everyone said, "you know she'll come if she's not supposed to this week." 

She didn't.

I look like a giant Blueberry, like on willie wonka.  Lovely.

39 weeks!  I actually made myself stop nesting towards the end of the 38th week because I was so tired and I read somewhere on the internet so it MUST be true, that you can kind of reset your contractions if you go completely quiet for a day or two.  It was worth the try. It actually seemed to work, because Sunday was the start of the 39th week and I felt good enough to walk almost 4 miles roundtrip to Sonic and back after church, and then...you will have to read Chloe's birth story to hear the rest of what happened!

Baby P's Birth Story

Who doesn't love a birth story? Ok, actually there's probably not as many people scouring the Internet for birthing stories as I think- but can ya blame me for loving to read them - I'm 39 weeks pregnant waiting for my baby girl to make her arrival and of course the subject is on my mind pretty often right now!

I like to read the birth stories where everything turned out painless and perfect- yeah, but I'm having trouble finding those... My birth story with my son wasn't one of them, either. And I realized I have never posted it. 

So, here goes. If you don't care to read birth stories, you're welcome to walk away now. I won't be offended. But if you're 39 weeks pregnant and looking for a distraction and encouragement that eventually you will have a baby in your arms...then read on! If you are leaving now, I will show you a peek at the end of the story via this cute picture of his little self. 

May 22nd 

8:15am water broke at 38 weeks while I was laying in bed telling Peter that my due date would probably be moved to September at my appointment that day. I had not felt good the night before. Around 4pm I got diarrhea and felt off and very hot. The night before I had walked 1 1/2 miles and bounced on my ball for close to an hour. At first it felt like I was peeing but it kept coming in little bursts and when I got up to go to the bathroom my shorts were soaked with clear liquid. It kept coming more and I laid back down so it didn't stop. I soaked a towel and was pretty sure then my water broke. I called mom to give her a heads up to head this way. I had a big gush a few minutes later. I called the dr and he told me to try to be to the hospital by 10, after I showered. Well I wasn't packed at all and I had just washed but not folded the baby's laundry and there was no crib set up and we had to move around all the bedroom furniture. So we didn't leave for the hospital until 11:15, arrived around 11:45. Stephen set up the crib and rachel helped me fold and pack while Peter scurried about. I felt really excited to meet poppy and find out if its a girl/boy and also to miss out on 2-3 weeks of being enormous and uncomfortable. I didn't feel any contractions...I wished I did, but nothing. 

11:45am They just told me all the rooms are full right now so I have to sit here and wait. I'm staaaaarving.  Leaking fluid still. Hoping I've dilated and effaced some. Peter ran to Walgreens and got me some crackers. Did you know saltine makes Unsalted saltine crackers? Why bother! Those were the kind he accidentally grabbed. Who knew?!

2:00pm I'm in my room now. The bad news is I wasn't dilated or effaced at all so they induced me- just now started my pitocin. They also put a catheter in my cervix that is like a balloon to help me efface. That hurt! :P looks like I have a long way to go. Can't walk right now bc of the catheter. :-( 

3:15 contractions are 3-4 minutes apart. Hurting. 

4:00 pm So discouraged. :-( contractions are coming so fast and stuff and my cervix balloon popped and they rechecked me and I'm only 1 cm and still not effaced. 

Grammy got here! (She drove from Rochester to NYC in record time!) 

6:40 The baby's heart rate was not responding well to my contractions so they had to stop my pitocin for now.  Praying things will be able to start back up and the baby will not be distressed. Don't want to end up with a c section. Got put on oxygen. 

7:00pm got rechecked- still only one cm, was up to 12 pitocin. Asked if we wanted to try the pitocin again or opt for a c-section. I'm still very relaxed and calm, the contractions pretty much stopped when they stopped my pitocin. We decided to start up again as they watch the baby's heart rate, they started me at half the pitocin. 

7:20 contracting a lot again but baby's heart rate seems a little goofy. They just stopped the pitocin again bc the baby's heart rate is going down with every contraction. :-( isn't looking good. Come on poppy. Not progressing and not handling contractions well... 

The dr decided by around 7:30 that we were getting a csection. I felt a mixture of relief from not having to keep trying to progress but really disappointed too. They came in to explain the anesthesia to me and I cried when I knew I wouldn't hold baby right away. We moved rooms into the OR and they prepped me. 

8:18pm (Peter writing) they are giving her the anesthesia now --- should be going into surgery in just a few minutes. Even though this isn't want we wanted, we are still so thankful that so far the baby is fine and that we have a good doctor.  So excited to meet poppy!!!! ( the nickname we have the baby)

The needle in my back hurt really bad, and I wish Peter could have been there for that part. My legs felt numb immediately and I started shaking pretty bad and crying a little- nerves and being scared and disappointed that I had to have surgery. Couldn't believe I would know so soon if poppy was a boy or girl. Peter was finally allowed in- I didn't recognize him in the scrubs at first. I felt so much better when I could hold his hand. I could feel quite a bit of tugging when they started pulling the baby out- had to do my Lamaze breathing for probably 3 minutes.

8:39 pmThen they said- it's a boy!!!!! And he cried. Cutest cry I have ever heard. He has a huge mouth! He weighs 6 lbs 5 oz- little peanut!  I wanted to hold him so bad. I'm so glad I could be awake to see him. Peter brought him to me as soon as he could- and we laid with our cheeks together and sang to him and Peter prayed over him and we talked. He seems peaceful. And he's cute. I didn't expect a cute one- but he's a pretty cute bald little baby!!

Poppy got greeted by Grammy and grandma and grandpa Montoro.  Everyone agrees he's adorable and soooo cute! 

Tried nursing him around ten and the first time he seemed too sleepy but then ten minutes later he had his mouth wide open and latched right on. Doesn't seem like he gets a ton but he sucks and swallows and then seems content. I love feeding him. It is an amazing feeling! 

While I was waiting to feel my toes again there was a horrible emergency csection going on- a lady hemmorhaging with her 32 week baby and needing blood transfusions, etc due to placenta previa. It made me realize that even though I wouldn't have picked the c section I am so blessed to have a healthy beautiful little boy and no complications- no kidney issues or cysts on brain, etc. God is good to me. Because of the emergency we ended up waiting to come up to our room until midnight. Then poppy had to leave mommy for his long bath and checkup. 

I have been sooo hungry and thirsty. I finally guzzled a Gatorade in about 3 minutes. Then I threw the whole thing up. Guess I shoulda paced myself. Around 1:30 am I graduated from ice chips to apple juice and water. 

Now it's 6:40am, May 23rd and I never fell asleep. Poppy wasn't allowed to stay with me my first night but I couldn't sleep without him. They finally brought him to me hungry around 5:15 after he had his first poopy blowout diaper! And he's had wet ones- so he has been getting my colostrum. Yay. My body is very sore this morning. Wishing I coulda slept a little but I was so hot and sweaty and couldn't relax without my baby. 

Love in a bean bag

What does love feel like? What does it look like? Is there any way to actually describe it in a few words or less? I don't think so. But you know it when you see it. I found it in a bean bag...actually in the filling up of a bean bag. 

Our family time was rushed last night, because I got home late from a dr appointment and consequently peter got back to his studies later than he planned. I'm still nesting pretty bad and so I decided to fill up my newborn poser with 4 boxes of filler to be able to cross it off my list. I read that it could be messy so I decided to do it out in the garage. 

As soon as I tried to do it myself I realized I had bitten off more than I could chew- bean bag filler started going everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. Apparently there was a hole in the top part of the giant bag and they were flying out of there faster than I could try to get some to come out of the actual hole I had made. It was kind of a disaster. 

Peter happened to walk by the garage while I was attempting to not lose every bean from that bag- and he put his book down and came over to help even though he was already behind. He took over from there- I don't know how or why I thought I could do this myself!! He emptied the rest of the initial bag into the poser and I attempted to clean up some of the hundreds of sticky, static-y beans I had spilled, and the wind was blowing into the garage and spreading them all over. Baby Peter thought it was Christmas morning- he was so excited to chase them, stomp on them, and play with them! 

In the mean time, my sweet man started getting out a bunch of supplies and it didn't take me long to realize he was making a giant funnel to finish filling the poser bag. During school time, he willingly and without me asking set his work aside and joined in rescuing me from my project. I fell in love a little more with him. 

He diligently worked on his giant funnel and soon had it ready to fill. I wish I could have gotten a picture of me the teamwork it took. He would fill the funnel reservoir, then hold it up while I shook the poser and helped direct the beans into it. It worked really well and we wasted wayyyy less beans from the next three bags. Even though I was so impressed with the funnel masterpiece I was more overwhelmed and impressed by how loved I felt! I don't have to nag or beg for my sweetheart's help- lately I have had so many projects as my nesting mommy's heart prepares for baby and peter has SO kindly and sympathetically taken my projects and urgent "to do's" as his own. From shampooing carpets to moving furniture...he has been a huge support and I'm so grateful for the loving husband he is. 

We finally got our bean bag poser filled and father and son had fun testing it out. :-) 

My heart was filled to the brim and I fell in love all over again. So thankful for the love I found in a bean bag! 

Dear poppy (the sequel)

Dear poppy, who we now affectionately call our little son, baby peter.

(Reminiscing with a old pacifier you found) 

Almost two years ago I wrote you a letter on here. I was still pregnant with you and we had received really scary news that something may be wrong with your brain. I was so afraid for you, filled with so many doubts about what your future may hold but I promised to love you no matter what. That was such an incredibly hard wait to see what that scary mri told us about you. And I still thank the Lord often that it told us you looked just fine! You were so scared that day from the loud noises that you flipped around to get closer to mommy's voice for a few days. I don't blame you. I was scared too. 

We waited a few more months and then we got to meet you. It wasn't how I pictured you coming- I always skipped the csection part of all the books I read because I knew that wouldn't apply to us. But it did and at 38 weeks when my water broke and my body never went into labor and your heart rate went down too low, we met you in a surgery room. And our lives would never ever be the same. They told us "it's a boy" which I was already pretty sure you were. What they didn't tell us is what kind of boy- they didn't tell us how sweet you would be, and how cute, and how you would change our lives and teach us so much about faith and love and selflessness and joy. 

I had no idea then how motherhood would change my life. How you would make me a totally different person, with different priorities and interests. The last two years we have spent so much time doing everything together. Most of it, maybe even all of it, you won't specifically remember. But I will never forget. 

Last night I told you it was bedtime, after you had been reading books with me and helping me clean up the house. We also shared a Reese's miniatures because you seem to love them as much as mommy and I couldn't resist you as you signed more and please and said "mo" "mo" and smiled at me. So I told you it was bedtime and you cheerfully grabbed your blanket and headed to your room. Oh but on the way you spotted two candy wrappers on the ground and without anyone telling you to, you picked both of them up and handed them to mommy so I wouldn't have to get down and get them. It was a tiny moment, but a huge deal- showcasing your servant spirit and sweetness even as a one year old. I hope you never lose that. It made me fall in love with you all over again. I wanted to text everyone I knew because it was so cute to me, but I didn't text anyone, I just thought to myself I am the most blessed mommy in the whole world. I couldn't have explained that in a text...how can you describe love in a short candy wrapper story. You just can't. 

We prayed for you to be peaceful. That was our "word" for you- and you are such a gentle, peaceful, sleep-loving, thoughtful, funny, obedient, helpful little boy. You are my favorite. You are my firstborn. You made me a mommy. 

Our worlds are about to change. And neither of us know how much right now. I think you think we have an imaginary friend named chloe. You play along well- just yesterday you sat in front of the car seat swing and tucked in two little animals and read them stories because you saw mommy tuck a little stuffed animal in there. If I say the word baby you always put your finger to your lips and say shhhh because "baby's sleeping." If I ask you where is chloe? You pat my belly. And then you pat yours. You have no idea who chloe is (I don't think). Very soon you will know, and you will be a big brother. It's hard to imagine how I could ever love another little one like I love you. How will I divide up my time between both of you, so that you don't feel any less loved but neither does she? When I think of it, it makes me wonder if you will feel jealous or like mommy doesn't have as much time for you. Which I won't have as much time but I know there will be so many candy wrapper stories. Where time after time my heart fills with love and pride for the little boy that made me a mommy. 

Sure mommy will have to divide her attention now, but you will also gain a playmate, a little sister. We will learn so much about ourselves as we adjust to having her in our lives. We are both going to have to learn how to share. I will have to relearn how to share my night sleep with a hungry baby. I will have to learn how to share my time between both of you. You will both share my affection now. You will learn to share your toys with her, you will learn how to share your space, your cuddle time with mommy, your being the constant center of attention. I hope we both learn how to share well. I think there will be times when I miss it just being us, and I will feel guilty about that- but it's been the best two years a mommy could ask for. I'm so glad that love multiplies, not divides.  I'm not dividing my love for you into chloe, I will multiply my mommy love times two.

 But I will never forget this moment in time when it was just me and you and daddy. It's gone by so quickly...everyone said it would. 

 Thank you, my little love for all you have taught me about being a mommy...and may we both learn how to share well as we enter this next chapter in our lives.

A night to remember- Baby Chloe's Baby Shower

 My church here has a really sweet policy- baby shower for your first baby that you have when you're at this church.  So, I thought my baby shower days were long behind me after baby Peter, but I was excited to find out I got another one for Chloe!  Because anyone that knows me knows I really really like presents and the combination of presents, friends, and yummy food makes me super happy.

So fun to have showers when you don't know what you're having, like last time... but it was just as fun to be able to have a shower knowing what we're having and being able to celebrate specifically knowing we are having a girl.  I LOVED all the pink and gray decorations.  My friends went all out and picked stuff they knew I would love, and it meant so much.  Most of the decorations were DIY, and I know it took them lots of time and thought. The shower was so "me."

Most of the decorations I will be able to use again in Chloe's nursery when I get it set up.  

Oh and the food was SO good too- they made pink popcorn, pink oreos, pink pretzels, and pink punch...in addition to all the yummy appetizer foods.  I won't say how many salted caramel cupcakes I ate. It's my shower, I could gorge if I wanted to. Right?

The pretty group of ladies that made it all happen!

Special thanks to Jen and Devin for all the planning and coordinating...and for being awesome friends!

 Theres a really big baby belly hiding behind this cupcake tower!

 So fun to open all the gifts- 

I asked for primarily diapers and wipes but everyone was fun and added less-practical, pretty things also that I am SO excited to put on my little girl.  I am convinced she will be the best-dressed and accessorized little girl in the world...but of course I will be majorly biased.

 A very special, memorable night that made me feel very blessed and "showered" by everyone's care and generosity for us and our upcoming little blessing.  

It also left me with a bunch of leftover desserts, which at 35 weeks pregnant was pretty exciting...

until I stepped on the scale.  

Pregnancy weeks 31-35

Still on my house cleaning schedule at 32 weeks, but I'm starting to feel too big to scrub bathtubs. Haha. 

We also got to see our baby girl again at an ultrasound they wanted to do because I have IBS. Everything looks good and chloe is measuring a week big! At 32 weeks she is breech, so we are praying she turns around.  

At 33 1/2 weeks I got the flu that I blogged about and it lasted until past 35 weeks. Ugh it was awful. My google searches included "can you break your water coughing" and other fun things like that. 

34 weeks was spent on the couch feeling miserable together. Chloe took full advantage of me sitting around and went on a crazy growth spurt. She seems huge! She made a nice pillow for poor, sick big brother. 

Back to normal life a little bit in my 35th week. And thanks to being so sick, I'm still only up 23 pounds! It was my last week house cleaning- I made it through 3 days of cleaning, a Mens advance meeting, and nesting like crazy. Peter and I tackled a bunch of big house projects that are on my to do list before chloe comes- so we emptied closets, cleaned the car out, shampooed carpets, even got our bed fixed and not in the middle of the room (long story!) and various other projects to start preparing for her arrival. I've been having a lot of Braxton hicks and I think some real contractions also, plus all the other enjoyable comforts of being this huge. So excited I will only have one more blog post after this until we get to meet her! 

Week 35 I also got my baby shower thrown by my sweet friends here. It was gorgeous. Blog post to come on that!