Dear poppy (the sequel)

Dear poppy, who we now affectionately call our little son, baby peter.

(Reminiscing with a old pacifier you found) 

Almost two years ago I wrote you a letter on here. I was still pregnant with you and we had received really scary news that something may be wrong with your brain. I was so afraid for you, filled with so many doubts about what your future may hold but I promised to love you no matter what. That was such an incredibly hard wait to see what that scary mri told us about you. And I still thank the Lord often that it told us you looked just fine! You were so scared that day from the loud noises that you flipped around to get closer to mommy's voice for a few days. I don't blame you. I was scared too. 

We waited a few more months and then we got to meet you. It wasn't how I pictured you coming- I always skipped the csection part of all the books I read because I knew that wouldn't apply to us. But it did and at 38 weeks when my water broke and my body never went into labor and your heart rate went down too low, we met you in a surgery room. And our lives would never ever be the same. They told us "it's a boy" which I was already pretty sure you were. What they didn't tell us is what kind of boy- they didn't tell us how sweet you would be, and how cute, and how you would change our lives and teach us so much about faith and love and selflessness and joy. 

I had no idea then how motherhood would change my life. How you would make me a totally different person, with different priorities and interests. The last two years we have spent so much time doing everything together. Most of it, maybe even all of it, you won't specifically remember. But I will never forget. 

Last night I told you it was bedtime, after you had been reading books with me and helping me clean up the house. We also shared a Reese's miniatures because you seem to love them as much as mommy and I couldn't resist you as you signed more and please and said "mo" "mo" and smiled at me. So I told you it was bedtime and you cheerfully grabbed your blanket and headed to your room. Oh but on the way you spotted two candy wrappers on the ground and without anyone telling you to, you picked both of them up and handed them to mommy so I wouldn't have to get down and get them. It was a tiny moment, but a huge deal- showcasing your servant spirit and sweetness even as a one year old. I hope you never lose that. It made me fall in love with you all over again. I wanted to text everyone I knew because it was so cute to me, but I didn't text anyone, I just thought to myself I am the most blessed mommy in the whole world. I couldn't have explained that in a text...how can you describe love in a short candy wrapper story. You just can't. 

We prayed for you to be peaceful. That was our "word" for you- and you are such a gentle, peaceful, sleep-loving, thoughtful, funny, obedient, helpful little boy. You are my favorite. You are my firstborn. You made me a mommy. 

Our worlds are about to change. And neither of us know how much right now. I think you think we have an imaginary friend named chloe. You play along well- just yesterday you sat in front of the car seat swing and tucked in two little animals and read them stories because you saw mommy tuck a little stuffed animal in there. If I say the word baby you always put your finger to your lips and say shhhh because "baby's sleeping." If I ask you where is chloe? You pat my belly. And then you pat yours. You have no idea who chloe is (I don't think). Very soon you will know, and you will be a big brother. It's hard to imagine how I could ever love another little one like I love you. How will I divide up my time between both of you, so that you don't feel any less loved but neither does she? When I think of it, it makes me wonder if you will feel jealous or like mommy doesn't have as much time for you. Which I won't have as much time but I know there will be so many candy wrapper stories. Where time after time my heart fills with love and pride for the little boy that made me a mommy. 

Sure mommy will have to divide her attention now, but you will also gain a playmate, a little sister. We will learn so much about ourselves as we adjust to having her in our lives. We are both going to have to learn how to share. I will have to relearn how to share my night sleep with a hungry baby. I will have to learn how to share my time between both of you. You will both share my affection now. You will learn to share your toys with her, you will learn how to share your space, your cuddle time with mommy, your being the constant center of attention. I hope we both learn how to share well. I think there will be times when I miss it just being us, and I will feel guilty about that- but it's been the best two years a mommy could ask for. I'm so glad that love multiplies, not divides.  I'm not dividing my love for you into chloe, I will multiply my mommy love times two.

 But I will never forget this moment in time when it was just me and you and daddy. It's gone by so quickly...everyone said it would. 

 Thank you, my little love for all you have taught me about being a mommy...and may we both learn how to share well as we enter this next chapter in our lives.

A night to remember- Baby Chloe's Baby Shower

 My church here has a really sweet policy- baby shower for your first baby that you have when you're at this church.  So, I thought my baby shower days were long behind me after baby Peter, but I was excited to find out I got another one for Chloe!  Because anyone that knows me knows I really really like presents and the combination of presents, friends, and yummy food makes me super happy.

So fun to have showers when you don't know what you're having, like last time... but it was just as fun to be able to have a shower knowing what we're having and being able to celebrate specifically knowing we are having a girl.  I LOVED all the pink and gray decorations.  My friends went all out and picked stuff they knew I would love, and it meant so much.  Most of the decorations were DIY, and I know it took them lots of time and thought. The shower was so "me."

Most of the decorations I will be able to use again in Chloe's nursery when I get it set up.  

Oh and the food was SO good too- they made pink popcorn, pink oreos, pink pretzels, and pink punch...in addition to all the yummy appetizer foods.  I won't say how many salted caramel cupcakes I ate. It's my shower, I could gorge if I wanted to. Right?

The pretty group of ladies that made it all happen!

Special thanks to Jen and Devin for all the planning and coordinating...and for being awesome friends!

 Theres a really big baby belly hiding behind this cupcake tower!

 So fun to open all the gifts- 

I asked for primarily diapers and wipes but everyone was fun and added less-practical, pretty things also that I am SO excited to put on my little girl.  I am convinced she will be the best-dressed and accessorized little girl in the world...but of course I will be majorly biased.

 A very special, memorable night that made me feel very blessed and "showered" by everyone's care and generosity for us and our upcoming little blessing.  

It also left me with a bunch of leftover desserts, which at 35 weeks pregnant was pretty exciting...

until I stepped on the scale.  

The flu

Just two little three letter words that can wreak havoc and make you bark like a dog, sweat like a pig, and hurt like I don't know what. The flu. 

I have no idea where I found this flu...no one that I have heard of recently has had it, but it's probably better this way. If I could trace the germ-sharer down it may end bad for both of us!! This is like the evil grandmother of all flus...or maybe it's the fact that I'm 34 weeks pregnant while getting it but wow it has been rough! 

Thursday morning I cleaned a clients house with my friend Jen- she is going to substitute for me while I'm on maternity leave. Well, that went fine besides my normal discomfort of cleaning this far along. I got home and laid down for a nap because my inlaws were going to be visiting that evening- I already had dinner in the crockpot and just needed to do a few finishing touches on the house. Well when I woke up from my nap, I felt worse than before I laid and down and noted having a bad headache. Ugh.

I got up and finished the house and felt pretty awful, but I thought I was just tired. Around 6 our family got here and we enjoyed a great time with the 17 of us. Grandpa Montoro brought bubbles for the kids and it was a huge hit with baby peter!! By the time dinner ended I could barely put weight on my feet, I was like whatt in the world?!? So for the rest of the night I sat, and probably looked like a lazy bum but I was having a hard time even being in an upright position. We all said our goodbyes around 10 and when our house was quiet again I realized how awful I was really feeling. And the thought crossed my mind. The flu. I think I'm getting the flu. Haven't had one in years but you never forget those aches from a full-blown flu! By the time I was ready for bed I was so achy in my legs that I had to sit up and try to sleep the whole night between struggling with my high fever and very angry heartburn. Drag that on for four days (and counting) and add miserable headache, horrible eye aches, ear pain, sore throat, a cough that pretends I still have abs..., a scare on Friday because poor traumatized chloe was hardly moving. It's been quite the flu. 

Plus baby peter was up a ton on Saturday night and seems to have now caught this horrible thing also. Which seemed like a bad thing. Until Sunday happened. Sunday we both stayed in our Jammies all day and coughed our lungs out together. We got checked on often by daddy who has been the BEST nurse through all of this. Constantly providing drinks, food, medicine, comfort, even pretty flowers!, cleaning the house, and watching little son so I could sleep. 

Anyway, Sunday proved to be a really special day for me and my little guy. He isn't super snuggly for the most part, but when he's sick he wants his mama and he wants to cuddle. This worked well because I was laying on the couch all day anyway. We did some quiet activities- like reading together, looking through pictures, bubbles, him honing his harmonica skills (a less than quiet activity), but by evening time all he wanted to do was cuddle. And we did. And it was then it hit me....this may be one of my little 21 month year old's and my last opportunity to do this before we introduce a new little cuddle bug into the picture. That made me super sentimental. And a little overwhelmed...how do mommies survive illness with 2 kids?!?! Scary thought. It was then I decided to savor the sick moments, and every moment of these last few precious weeks of being a mommy to one sweet little boy before the excitement and beautiful chaos of bringing home another baby permanently changes our family dynamic. I won't let the flu steal that from me!